The search for happiness is overrated

There is an old joke that goes :

A policeman sees a drunk man searching for something under a streetlight and asks what the drunk has lost. He says he lost his keys and they both look under the streetlight together. After a few minutes the policeman asks if he is sure he lost them here, and the drunk replies, no, and that he lost them in the park. The policeman asks why he is searching here, and the drunk replies, “this is where the light is”

How much time and energy have we wasted looking for things where they aren’t because we think it’s easier to look there? This article is about shedding light on where to look for happiness.

I have spent years limiting myself because of some deep-rooted belief that happiness was out there and I needed to find it. The door between me and the life I thought I wanted wasn’t only shut; it was invisible. Pursuing this idea of happiness led me to experience stress, anxiety, imposter syndrome, and burnout. The one thing I was failing to see, was that you cannot find something where it is not.

Searching for happiness implies that happiness is someplace out there that we can find our way to. It implies that our well-being depends on external factors such as money, careers, accolades, achievements, and other people’s opinions. All of which are transient.

The danger in attributing our well-being to these external factors is that they are fleeting. So when they vary (and they will), so will our well-being. This means having no agency over our feelings.

So what is the solution to happiness?

Searching for something where it’s not is incredibly frustrating. The reality is, happiness cannot be found in the outside world because it’s already within us. We all have the ability to be happy, whatever the circumstances. Because it’s not what happens to us that impacts us, it’s what we make of it.

Our entire experience of the world happens through our thoughts. This means that we are not sad because of something that happened, we are sad because of the thought we are having at that moment. Because our feelings are nothing but the expressions of our thoughts in our nervous system.

Of course, having the resources to be happy doesn’t mean we ought to be all the time. We are not designed this way, we need to experience all emotions to maintain a perfectly balanced ecosystem that can grow and develop. After all, too much sun makes a desert. But recognising our ability to create happiness for ourselves can be incredibly freeing.

Understanding that our happiness is not out there means autonomy.

Cognitive hypnotherapy led me to 2 life-changing conclusions :

  • Happiness is not something we can find in the world. We have an infinite resource of resilience, creativity, and strength that are the basis of our well-being.
  • Everything we feel we owe to the thoughts we are having in the moment. We live the experience of our thoughts. Not the experience of the outside world. 

What would you be able to create for yourself if you were to understand from this moment onward that you have the ability to be happy? That your emotions are yours and the world has zero impact on them. How much time and pain will you save yourself?

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Félicie Escoffier
Félicie Escoffier

left Charlotte a 5 star review

Félicie Escoffier
August 22, 2022

After an episode a few weeks ago where I lost my son at the park, I had unexpected reactions when I was with him. Basically, I was freaking out the same thing would happen again and had as well some flashback of the event. I decided to get in touch with Charlotte, to help me to get rid of this trauma. In one session, she used her magic and reprogrammed my memories of the event. I was a little bit scared to have to talk and relive the event but I have to say it was quite enjoyable. She helped me get rid of the fear linked to this traumatic event and she even helped me create positive memories about it. I was blown away how powerful her technique was. At the end of the session, I was feeling lighter, relieved and even happy! It gave me the chance to enjoy my time with my kids as nothing ever happened. Mind blowing. I couldn’t recommend her enough.

September 29, 2022

Finding Charlotte on my path was a blessing, i am so grateful that i met her in a difficult time of my life. Nowadays if you don’t have connection, you can find hundreds of therapists on internet but finding the good one / the perfect match is priceless. She is very good, she knows what she does, she found quickly the red buttons and took my hand all along the sessions to make them turned green.

Charlotte was very professional throughout our sessions and made me feel totally at ease in both my environment and in myself emotionally. We spoke about things I would never have expected to in ways I was totally unfamiliar with, but the combination of uncertainty and Charly’s professionalism led to a switch in my head concerning something I have had insecurities about for a life time. I haven’t since thought about the sessions in depth, but their results will stay with me forever. Once again so happy to have been able to work with her and am endlessly thankful for the difference she made. I wish her all the best of luck in this exciting journey!

Caoimhe Creed
January 21, 2023

Charlotte has such a calming presence and is so knowledgable, I quickly felt comfortable and completely relaxed with her. She explained the psychology behind everything so clearly, which meant that I not only came away from our session knowing a lot more about myself but also the human brain! She also followed up with helpful, tailored advice. I would highly recommend everyone have a session with her.

Steph Piercey
March 3, 2023

I can’t speak highly enough of my experience working with Charlotte. She was empathetic, patient and understanding the entire time. I was a little skeptical of hypnotherapy at first but had a breakthrough moment with her and now really see the benefits! I would recommend her to any one seeking out support

Jennifer Syme
December 14, 2022

I won a session with Charlotte and it was the best prize I could have had. The session was calm and gentle. I felt like she was leading me by the hand to the places I needed to explore. Then a recording to listen to in bed, which helped me sleep. I will definitely book further sessions.

fredrica Carlqvist
January 16, 2023

I feel lighter after talking to Charlotte. What I have noticed after my work with her is that don’t feel the same stress talking into a camera or to an audience anymore. I warmly recommend Charlotte to everyone that feel some kind of stress over something.

Calli Bushell
August 31, 2022

Whenever I am struggling, Charlotte is always there to provide me with the tools I need to help me overcome these challenges or thoughts. She has made my sport enjoyable again and helped me make some tough decisions which I would still be putting off now!

Antonia Fleming
December 9, 2022

I had never tried anything like this before and didnt have any expectations but Charlotte put me at ease before i had even met her. I got so much out of our session and felt so relaxed after. The aftercare is also excellent and gave me further help to continue the process and she has checked in with me to see how i have been doing. I cannot recommend her enough! Thank you Charlotte!