What if the biggest mistake we make is trying too hard to solve our problems? What if the real secret is to stop working on them altogether?
Imagine having a wound—you wouldn’t keep poking at it, hoping constant attention would speed up the healing. Instead, you’d step back, clean the wound, and let your body do the rest. The same principle applies to our minds. Constantly trying to fix emotional stress often makes things worse. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is create the right conditions and let clarity emerge on its own.
Yet, one of the least productive ideas we learn as adults is the notion that we must “work on our problems.” When our minds are cluttered with negative thoughts, we only see obstacles, not solutions. Trying to fix problems from this mindset is like trying to untangle a knot in the dark — the harder you pull, the tighter it gets. The more you struggle, the worse the mess becomes. But what if, instead, you stepped back, turned on the light, and let your mind settle? When you create space, clarity begins to appear, and the knot starts to loosen on its own.
Have you ever noticed how your best ideas and solutions often come when you’re not actively thinking about them? These moments of insight show up uninvited — during a walk, while washing dishes, or in the shower. That’s because when our minds are free from clutter, we create the perfect conditions for insights and realizations. We start to see the bigger picture and gain a fresh perspective.
So, does this mean we should ignore our problems? Not exactly. Instead, we need to shift our approach by understanding that many problems are simply a matter of perspective. What feels like a huge issue today might look like an opportunity for growth tomorrow. How a situation appears — as a problem or a challenge — depends on the state of mind we are in when we experience it. Problems only exist through the lens of the feelings we use to view a situation.
Think about those days when you feel on top of the world, when no matter how busy or chaotic life is, you move through it with ease. Other people’s quirks are amusing, interesting, or barely register at all. Then there are the other days when every little thing bothers you, when life feels heavy and everyone seems to be against you. The difference isn’t in what’s happening around you — it’s in how you’re viewing it. In other words, our feelings aren’t telling us about what we’re looking at, but about what we’re looking with.
If problems are a matter of perspective, maybe the best approach is to wait until our emotions settle before deciding what to do. Imagine trying to clear dust in the air by frantically waving your hands. The harder you try, the more the dust lifts. But if you give it time, your mind will settle, creating the perfect environment to see solutions.
Here’s a simple exercise: Next time you feel overwhelmed by a problem, take a moment and step back. Feelings and thoughts are transient; if you let them be, they will pass, the dust will settle, and you will have clarity. One of two things might happen: what seemed like a problem will no longer look that way, and you’ll be able to move on, or the solution will appear to you.
So, what if the secret to solving your problems isn’t to fight them, but to leave them alone?
Applying This to Everyday Life: Real-World Scenarios
1. Relationships:
Instead of rushing to resolve every conflict or disagreement, focus on creating an atmosphere of empathy and understanding. Arguments often stem from insecurity, fueled by the stories we create in our minds rather than the reality of the situation. For example, a simple task like the bins not being taken out can quickly escalate into a narrative of not feeling valued. This happens because, in moments of stress, we assume we understand the other person’s motives, often painting an inaccurate and unflattering picture. This is how discussions about chores can spiral into arguments about self-worth. When we pause and let our emotions settle, we strip away insecurity and are left with the facts, making it easier to approach solutions with a clear mind.
Exercise: If you find yourself in a heated argument with your partner, resist the urge to solve it immediately. Instead, acknowledge your feelings without judgment and suggest revisiting the topic later, calmly and respectfully. Often, once emotions have cooled, the issue resolves itself without force.
2. Work:
If you feel constantly overwhelmed, firefighting, and reacting to problems, take a step back. Ask yourself: Is everything truly urgent? More often than not, what we need is perspective — a chance to rise above the noise and see the bigger picture. When we allow our minds to clear, we reconnect with our purpose, and solutions begin to emerge naturally. This is why companies often bring in consultants; fresh perspectives can illuminate paths forward that were previously hidden.
Exercise: If you’re stuck on a project or decision, don’t force a solution. Take a break and reconnect with your broader goals. Space allows ideas to flow, and the best course of action often becomes evident without pressure.
3. Money:
Money is a common trigger for emotional turmoil because it’s deeply linked to our sense of security. Financial worries often spiral into catastrophic thinking, where a single unexpected bill can morph into fears of losing your home. However, these scenarios are rarely as dire as they seem. Instead of panicking, pause and reassess. Historically, how often have these financial fears actually materialized? Chances are, you’ve managed every time.
Exercise: When faced with financial stress, resist the urge to make hasty decisions driven by anxiety. Reconnect with your long-term financial goals and values before taking action. This approach leads to calmer, more thoughtful decisions that better serve your well-being.
4. Health and Wellness:
Notice how your best health choices often come when your mind is clear. With fewer negative thoughts clouding your judgment, you naturally gravitate towards what your body truly needs — rest, nutritious food, and movement. Instead of reacting to health challenges with drastic measures like crash diets or punishing workout routines, give yourself space to connect with your body’s needs.
Exercise: Before jumping into a restrictive diet, pause and listen to your body. Are you hungry, or eating out of habit or emotion? By tuning into your body’s signals, you can make choices that are sustainable and nourishing.
Just like a wound, maybe your mind needs time and space to heal itself. Trust in its ability to find its own way — without constant interference.
So, what if the answer isn’t in working harder on your problems, but in allowing them to be? When you create space, clarity, and solutions naturally emerge.
