The Mental Shift That Changes How You Handle Money, Stress, and Life
£100. The 10th of the month. Hello, January.
£100 on the joint account and it’s the 10th of the month.
This was less than a couple of weeks ago.
A few years ago, this would have sent me spiralling:
“What are we going to do?”
“How are you STILL finding yourself in situations like these, Charlotte, seriously?”
“Everyone else manages their money except for me.”
“I’m a failure.”
But this time I turned to my partner Sam and, with a smile, said:
“Challenge… I can do all the grocery shopping for the month with £100”
“Bold!” said Sam.
The moment that changes everything
It’s not what happens to us, it’s what we make of it.
Life throws curveballs all the time. And here’s the important part: our initial reaction, panic, fear, worry, is not something we control.
We don’t dictate our feelings. We don’t choose our automatic thoughts.
But the moment after that initial freak-out? That moment is a moment of choice.
That’s where we decide: Is this a problem… or a challenge?
Problem vs challenge
When something feels like a problem, it feels imposed on us. It strips us of agency. It comes with a “why is this happening to me?” mindset.
From there, it’s incredibly difficult to move forward. Solutions are driven by pressure, anxiety, urgency, and often look more like coping than real resolution.
Here’s how I would have dealt with this exact situation years ago when I saw it as a problem:
– Borrow money
– Panic-release money from savings with no realistic plan to put it back
– Cry
– Spiral into self-loathing
– Blame Sam
– Blame the economy
– Blame myself
– Get upset about the money we spent over Christmas and start an argument
Sound familiar?
When we see things as problems, we either:
- take it personally (“it’s my fault”), or
reject responsibility completely (“it’s NOT my fault”).
Either way, it’s blame. Either the world is against us, or we’re fundamentally flawed, and from there, everything feels heavier. We slip into victimhood.
And when we’re there, we look outside for solutions, waiting for circumstances, people, or money to rescue us, because on some level, we’ve disconnected from our own capacity to respond.
Same situation. Different lens.
When we look at things as a challenge, the heaviness of the situation goes away. The situation hasn’t changed — there is STILL only £100 in my bank account — but now it feels different, less threatening, like a puzzle, something i cna engage with rather than fight against.
And no, this isn’t about positive thinking, If you know me, you know that’s not my style. I didn’t reframe this into rainbows and affirmations.
Here’s what I actually did differently.
I let the panic settle
Our default setting is to be wise, resourceful, resilient. That’s where we naturally return when the noise settles.
That’s where we are when we feel present, when the thoughts calm downThe mistake we make is acting before we get back there.Before the uncomfortable thoughts have had a chance to calm down.
Why do we do that? Because the panic threatening thoughts feel real, it really feels like our safety is at risk and we must act right away. That sense of urgency is simply an old survival instinct developed ot help us survive physical danger. But there is not car running at you, no immediate threat in your surrouding, there might be one in your future (if i dont; address a mony e issue my physical safet might indeed be compromisedi nthe future) but here is the hting : you’re equipped to deal with it, only if you deal with it from a place of safety. So yeah that’s the paradox, in order to be safe you need to see through the illusio nthat you’re not safe so that you can find the solution that will keep you safe
And here’s the good news:
Letting your thoughts settle so you can act from wisdom isn’t a skill you need to learn.
It’s the most natural thing in the world.
It’s a built-in system you already use, more often than you realise.
You just need to notice it.
A simple exercise
Next time something happens and it feels like it’s happening to you, take a beat. Notice how this feels, and hold off before acting.
You will have thoughts of blame and injustice coming through your mind, but if you can let them be. Don’t argue with them. Don’t obey them. Don’t turn them into action.
If you let them be, without making too much of them, they will settle. And when they do, clarity returns. From there, you’ll know exactly what to do.
The unexpected bonus
Here’s something people don’t talk about enough:
When we treat things as challenges instead of problems, we don’t just solve a now-issues; We accidentally build skills for the future.
We’re now the 25th of the month, and I’m confident we’ll finish without adding any money to the joint account. It wasn’t easy, but here’s what I gained along the way:
- A stronger ability to save for the future
- Deep safety in knowing that if we ever face real financial pressure, we’ll cope
- An expanded recipe repertoire for family dinners
- A chance to teach Harlow (my 4-year-old) about the value of money
Find the gold in the pile of sh*t
This is what I like to call “the gold in the pile of sh*t.” I appologise for the unpleasant visualisation but it works).
Every experience carries something valuable (a learning, an opportunity for growth or to learn new skills). But you can’t find the gold if you’re too focused on how bad it smells.
I didn’t change the situation. I changed how I met it. And that made all the difference.
