I remember when my daughter was younger, she used to have these spectacular public meltdowns, you know, the kind where everyone in the supermarket suddenly becomes an expert in parenting. I’d feel this wave of anger rise up, not so much at her, but at what I thought people were thinking about me.
In those moments, I wasn’t actually being there for her, I was stuck in my own Ego, worried mroe about what people think than what my daughter was going through (regulating herself). My ego had quietly stepped in and made her tantrum all about me: my worth as a mother, my image, my control (or lack of it).
And that’s the thing about drama, it always starts when we make someone else’s behaviour mean something about us.
It shows up everywhere. When your partner forgets something important and you feel unappreciated. When a colleague gives you feedback and you instantly hear criticism. When a friend cancels plans and you take it as rejection.
All moments where the mind quietly whispers, “See? You’re not enough.”
I barely ever do this anymore, here is what I know now that saves me anxiety, time and energy.
The most important and useful thing you will ever need to know is this…. shift happens the moment we stop trying to control or defend and start choosing curiosity over judgment. That’s when we move from victim to creator.
These are the questions that helped me catch myself in those moments, to drop out of my ego and back into presence:
- How would I see this if I wasn’t taking it personally?
- What if this wasn’t about me, what changes?
- How am I making this about me right now?
- If I chose curiosity over judgment, what would I ask or do next?
- Does this make sense to me? Am I at peace with my intention here?
- Is what I’m about to do an act of love? (for me, for them, or for the situation)
- What’s the judgment I’m holding about myself here, and can I let it go?
- What’s the single kindest interpretation I can make right now?
- If this weren’t “urgent,” how would I respond?
- What tiny action would bring me back to center in the next 2 minutes? (breathe, step outside, water, music, move)
The truth is, when I stopped making her tantrums a reflection of me, they stopped being such a big deal. Children are masters at regulating heir emotions, IF we let them, if we don’t make this about us and make it work by tryign to fix it. What would almost always happen is….She calmed down faster, I stayed grounded, and we both felt safer.
Drama always feeds on judgment, starve it with curiosity, and peace returns almost instantly.
This is the work of Unbecoming Method™ , learning to catch your mind when it spins stories, to meet reality as it is, and to respond from truth rather than fear. It’s how emotional regulation grows into confidence, how anxiety gives way to calm, and how self-worth stops being something to earn and starts being something you simply remember.
